I've got the kind of beauty that moves...

I fully intended to go back to sleep this morning, but I started thinking about last night and I just couldn't. It amazes me how tactless people can be, especially people who are supposed to be like family. Last night I was looking at some photos one of my friends took of me dancing. I said that I didn't really like what my bangs were doing in the picture, that I'm not happy with them right now. I should know by now not to say things like that to her, it just gives her a chance to lay into my appearance. Aparently my bangs look horrible because they are too short. I think they're too long, they get in my eyes. She also informed me that they looked better when I first got them cut and that I should let them grow out.

I break now, for a little background. I have been a non-conformist since birth. I got kicked out of ballet when I was three because I refused to do what they were asking me to do and insisted upon doing a shuffle step my dad had taught me a few days before. I went as a roll of toilet paper for halloween in seventh grade. I've been wearing converse for almost as long as I can remember. Generally I embrace a "fuck the bullshit, I do what I want attitude". However, looks are deceiving, and I think I look a lot more conservative than I am. I also look about 18, when in reality I'm twenty five. I reek innocence no matter what I do.

My bangs, initially, were started in hopes of keeping me from chopping the rest of my hair off. I go through stages where I try to grow my hair out, but I eventually get fed up somewhere in that middle length stage and chop it. This time I opted for a different technique. I can't quite pull off the betty page short bangs, but that's what I aspire to. I did not choose bangs because they are trendy, and I shy away from the long sweeping bangs that fall down to ones cheekbones. This "friend" doesn't seem to understand or know me well enough to realize that I don't want that.

It is so difficult, when faced with condescending, judgemental criticism, to stand ones ground. This is not the first time she's said something like this to me, in fact, she's said worse. I wish I were thick-skinned enough to just let it go by me, but I'm not. I get frustrated sometimes. But I am hard-headed enough to stick to my ideals; she has yet to change a damn thing about me. I firmly believe that there is more beauty in the world than what the media would have you believe, and I don't think I need to change my appearance to fit in. I don't fit in most places. I will never claim the high-fashion set, I don't read glossy magazines. And, although I consider myself to be a counter-culturist, a gypsy-punk girl at heart, I don't quite match up with the punk rock aesthetic either. I maintain my I do what I want stance; I do not buy into anything whole-heartedly these days. I wear converse and I knit my own sweaters. I listen to independent music and have bangs. But I'm more complex than that--- I drive a truck and work on a farm at the same time. And "I only surround myself with people who I find intellectually stimulating". Maybe someday it will pay off...